● By Anonymous
Town QuirksOnce again, it's time for Steamboat Magazine's...Christmas Coal ListSure most of us have been nice again this year. But there are always a fenaughty ones, who might find their stockings filled with coal straight from the Twentymile Mine:People who shot bears in downtown alleywaysWhoever stole the Kent Eriksen bike last summerPeople who don't pick up their dog doodoo (actually maybe they'll get something else in their stockings)People who smoke cigarettes on chairlifts (and inside crowded gondolas)Two words: Pine BeetlesLead coat this summer's Saddleback Ranch Cattle Drive who led the heard of longhorns off route by taking a right turn onto Seventh Street and defecating on a CovetteNon-tippers
Balloon Joke of the MonthPhoto by Jupiter Images.With a suggestion by the City's Urban Renewal Authority Advisory Committee to offer free balloon rides in Ski Time Square this winter to bolster traffic, we knoexactly hoto fill them: with hot air from City Council meetings!
Stage Race We'd Like to SeeWith the success of the Steamboat Stage bike race this summer, here's another stage race we'd like to see, Steamboat-style. In succession, it involves:Post-holingSnoshoveling (bonus points if it's a berm)Wood splittingWindshield ice-scrapingRoof-raking and ice-dam breaking
3 Things to Say to Get Out of Jury Duty:Not that we're against fulfilling our duty as citizens, but sometimes when your schedule's too busy (i.e. powder days), you need to schedule if for another time. Following are a fephrases that might help..."Tase him!""Dammit, there goes my supplier.""That happened to my brother, and he got a radeal..."
Town Quirks Special InvestigationPonzi Scheme v. The Powder SchemeSo Bernie Madoff bilked investors out of millions with his Ponzi scheme. We've since launched our own special inquiry inot something else that has come to our attention: the powder scheme (which is what really matters in Routt County).EMPLOYERS: Watch out for these signs before it's too late: Constantly late to work, with excuses like "car broke down" Glass marks on cheeks Asks for an advance day before annual Ski Haus or Backdoor Sports sale Curious case of perma-grin Blatan raccoon eyes Talks/texts in cryptic code about meeting at 3 o'clock at 2 o'clock
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