● By Joanne Palmer
by Joanne PalmerJack Richardson, a retired truck driver, is the only deliveryman on a motorcycle for Pizza Hut in the United States. He delivers pies on a 1990 Honda SE Goldwing assisted by his mascot Rufus – found while making a delivery to a yard sale and bought for a dollar. “Kids like it. They think it’s the neatest thing.” Overheard onboard a flight from Hayden to Denver “As a reminder, shift happens. Please check your overhead for carry-ons.” Overheard at CMC “All middle aged women are on pharmies.” “What are pharmies?” “You knoXanex, Zoloft, Valium.” “Really? Well homany middle aged women do you know?” “None, it’s just a fact.”
Not to be outdone by the “Livestrong” wristband, dogs have come up with something nefor their collars … WWLD – What Would Lassie Do? Best Classified Domesticated goose found in Deep Creek area. Call with a description. Police Blotter 3:51 p.m. Man purchased computer from a man and nothe modem crashed. 3:50 a.m. Woman yelling as if in pain on Broad Street. Officers determined it was a pregnant woman in labor.5:43 p.m. Police responded to a suspicious incident at City Market where a woman suspected her vehicle was stolen from the parking lot. After taking a report and giving the woman a courtesy ride home, the woman remembered she walked to City Market. Her vehicle was at her residence. Crazy Questions Steamboat Ski Area’s “Switchboard Kent” and the Chamber Resort Association’s “Info Eric” compare notes on visitors’ questions … •Can your girlfriend baby-sit for us?•What time does The Young and the Restless come on here? •What will the weather be like in November? •Where is the ski mountain? •I have a friend who will be visiting Steamboat. If I send you a package, can you deliver it to him and read a note from me? •Will the lifts still run if it’s snowing?•Where can I buy chickens and roosters?If you see a man in a necktie in Steamboat Springs you knohe’s… a) IRS b) FBI c) Jehovah’s Witness Bumper stickers seen around town Too dumb for NeYork. Too ugly for LA. I fish, therefore I lie. Caution, sudden stops (seen on a dented bumper) Yard Sale Junkies Yard sales are as American as hotdogs and as addictive as football. In the high country, bargain bunnies, like crocus, emerge at the first signs of spring and power the economy until snoburies the last abandoned exercise bike. We are obsessed with rummage, garage, moving and tag sales. We are passionate about auctions, bazaars, estate sales, flea markets, thrift and consignment shops. We are infatuated with antiques, junk and collectibles that are no longer lovely, trendy or useful. We’ve abandoned the search for the Golden Fleece in order to hunt pre-owned, gently worn, second-hand gadgets, games and gismos. Yard sales are neighborly. They permit us to visit, snoop and feel superior when we find a windfall. They prove we were in the right place at the right time.They legitimatize haggling over prices because, no matter hoold, ugly and useless, every item has a stain on the collar or rust on the handlebars, so the price should be reduced. Saving stuff for a yard sale is the perfect excuse to postpone cleaning the attic or garage. Gas up the pickup, pre-map an attack and rise before dawn in search of do-das and whirligigs.We are convinced there are treasures on Tenth Street. Perhaps someone has dragged Beethoven’s wig, Elvis’ Harley or Hank Williams’ hat over the pass. Someone in Milner is harboring a Ming vase, Lionel trains, a little something signed by Picasso, Stradivarius or Gilbert Stuart. But we’ll settle for saucers without cups, broken toasters, stuffed animals, Mountain Debottles, cookie jars, calendar plates, Pez dispensers and puzzles with missing pieces. Yard sale junkies are somehoconvinced that value accrues to things that have been sized, priced and displayed on tables in a parking lot. Unless, of course, you truly need a used garlic press.
Local writer Joanne Palmer enjoys writing about the quirkier side of life. Sureva Towler collects outhouses, sheepwagons and stories about the frailty of the human condition in northwest Colorado.